Yeah yeah i'm converting to Livejournal. You can post comments there and it looks more fun. Though I like the way this one looks better . . . ah well. See my [Livejournal] if you would like.

  posted by jenn @ 2/01/2004 11:10:00 PM

 
saw this on a few other livejournals ... couldn't resist

*edit* I missed a state, so I hear. Now it's 30 visited, 58% total.



create your own visited states map



yeah that's a lot. haha.

updates: 3/8 done with midterms! woo hoo!

  posted by jenn @ 1/28/2004 05:20:00 PM

 
So far the quarter's okay. I'm caught up in everything, which I never bother to do. I thought I had a midterm today, but it turns out it is on Wednesday. I had a horrible dream where I slept through my midterm in Chemistry and was thus failing, while already failing another class at the same time. I was trying to figure out how to drop two classes and still remain a full-time student. Haha yeah my first school-anxiety related dream.

I don't like being homeless on weekends in the SCV, but I do like spending the night at Derek's. I feel like I'm imposing, which I am, but as long as no one minds too much . . . I just hate to depend on people for things I should be able to take care of on my own . . . alas, not for another two to three years.

Finally got financial aid, and was I hurting for it. Fuck money. RA interview tonight, we'll see how that goes . . .

My ring's too big for me now, or maybe I'm too small for it. Must get it resized soon; this is the only piece of real jewelry I own (and care about for that matter). I hate jewelry. So useless. This ring though, it actually means something to me. Funny how that happens. So yeah. Mustn't lose this one.

  posted by jenn @ 1/26/2004 12:25:00 PM

 
How egocentric is it to quote yourself? Reading over my last post, I decided that I feel like quoting myself, but then certain people may read too much into what should remain ambiguous.

Also reading it over, I noticed that I sound like a pompous ass. Or maybe a confused college student. The lines people draw to segregate categories . . . dont exist as much as many would think. Of course there's discrimination, people can't learn without it. It's just when it's used to judge others that it becomes a big deal.

anyway. So I find out about RA thing tomorrow, no, not whether I get the job, whether I made the first cut. Oh well at least there are cuts . . . kinda nice knowing early if you were not going to make it at all, but sucks to get cut, ya know? We will see. For lifeguarding, I totalled that we went through 120 hours of training (competitive hiring process as well) before even finding out if we were hired. That's unpaid training.

and starbucks lost my application. darn them. oh well, i hear that's not unusual. try, try again . . .

I have 1 midterm monday, 3 on tuesday. Geez. It feels like the quarter JUST started Oh wait, it did, 2 weeks ago. Then i have wave 2 of them next month.. 8 total. Woo hoo!

  posted by jenn @ 1/21/2004 11:57:00 PM

 
I've decided it's time for a get-to-know-me post. This basically means I'm gonna rant and you will know me better regardless of whether you know it should you choose to read the whole thing.

Being the [not-so cunning] linguist, I will dissolve what I value to be the most important attribute down to one word.

Integrity.

While many argue that such an important trait cannot be encompassed with one word alone, I will counter that it is not the words themselves that make up a feeling, but rather, they are the vessels for all connotations associated with the word itself. What does that mean? Basically that we are to choose our own meanings for the word. Ah, yes, subjectivity then. Since this is my blog, you will hear my take on it.

Integrity. Without which, there is none, for nothing in a world of chaos can exist without it. Even chaos itself has nothing if not integrity. There are several different meanings for this word, as you will soon discover. And, more obviously, if the universe were full of order, my claim is just as legitimate.

Integrity implies strength of structure. Consistency within. Literally, this then means strength in a physical sense. A given to most, which is better in the most convenient sense? Strong or weak? Strong. Figuratively, this means strength of mind. For us, that means knowing who and what we are, though the "when," "why," and "how" are not as necessary.

More abstractly, integrity entails honesty. The most heartless mechanisms of the universe are honest by default. Yet that is also true for the best things in this universe. I say this a thousand times, someday you will see: "Perfection and the ideal are not the same thing." Perhaps you understand already? Funny how I forgot to mention it in the past. To have total integrity is to be perfect, so is it not true that the mindless automaton (an ant, for example) that exists without thought, kills without feeling, and works without joy is not a perfect being in the sense of integrity?

Alright, I realize this is getting confusing. I had to rework that sentence a few times. This ant goes through life to fulfill its purpose, and does so without any of the so called emotions we experience (and for those who doubt THAT must indeed prove it to me). It lies to no one, it detracts in no way. And yet such a life would horrify most of us. The idea of perfection is definitely relative, but not so much in the sense that we could not totally deny that we live by the same standards.

It is our imperfections that make us LIVE (too bad i just typed "lice" on accident, thus completely throwing my train of thought, hahaha) . . . . . So, then, as long as we don't deny ourselves whatever we truly feel or need, then we are living in perfection. Stupid, stupid language. This is why I hate philosophers and their writing. I SHOULD just stop now, before it's too late.

To sum it all up, to have integrity is to have it all. It may not be what everyone wants (what is ideal), but it gets us to what we need. I think a mix of the two is what we are naturally striving toward.

What the hell did I just write all that down for? Fuck if I know. Haha now you see why I don't do drugs . . . it would just make this worse. After reading Existentialism, I thought mescaline was practically ESSENTIAL to writing like a philosopher . . . sad sad day.

Anyway, the world goes round with just a little fucking honesty. As I read in a friend's journal, better to be told up front than to be stabbed from behind later.


----------
On a different note, I'm tough enough to handle all truths, but perhaps you aren't. And maybe it's not the TRUTH itself you are afraid of.


. . . maybe it's me . . .
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just something better left unsaid. that's what a rant's for, right? Guess I need a better word for that one, rant implies rage. Venting? Oh well. Too bad I have another I want to get out, but hopefully that one will be more lucid. Wooohoooo!!! Life is so fucking excellent right now, and I'm not even being sarcastic.

  posted by jenn @ 1/20/2004 01:23:00 AM